if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
