So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
