This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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