i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
