I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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