just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
