my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
