I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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