Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
