she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
