i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
