She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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