I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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