i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
