It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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