we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
