We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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