Girls should come with a carfax report
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
