The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
