Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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