I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
