in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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