OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
