wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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