a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
