Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
