There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
