the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
