before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
