guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
