would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
