there's paper in my vomit.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
