What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
