I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
