Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
