that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
