can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
