I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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