I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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