i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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