I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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