i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
