oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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