Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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