Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
