If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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