I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
