yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
