I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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