He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
