and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
