we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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