so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize