Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
