After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have aggressive nipples.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
