omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
