I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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