I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
