There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
