How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
