Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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