yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
