so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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