I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
