we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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