ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
