Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
