i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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