Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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