The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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